i like u

suffocateing:

*walks out of exam*

well i was successfully able to bullshit every answer on the test so i think i did okay

Parent: what does a cow say?
Baby: "moo!"
Parent: yes! And what does a sheep say?
Baby: "baah!"
Parent: yay! And what does a pig say?
Baby: *whistles* "damn babygirl u a fine piece'a ass wanna hop n my car n ill drive ya to pound town!!"

nemesismess:

if you have school tomorrow

image

goodenoughforjazz:

justin bieber looks like the kinda guy that would take some of your fries without asking

onesteppcloser:

imagine right before you fall asleep you get to see previews to 3 dreams and then you get to decide which dream you want for that night.

fedoralpolice:

when u and ur friends make plans

image

gotitforcheap:

cute girl on the street: hey do you have the time?

me: sure do! 8:15

cute girl on the street: thanks 

me: so what are we?

princeowl:

what the hell r u doing unfollowing me while im asleep that is disrespectful

Me: Who's a good boy?
Dog: ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Me: YOU'RE A GOOD BOY!
Dog: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

finestintheshop:

i love it when people misspell bawling and say that they’re “balling their eyes out” like ball so hard my motherfuckin eyes came out

latulas:

U WNANA FUKCINGN GO?? ????? grab an icecream together or something because u are attractive

A Guide to Terminology as used by Western Males of the Species

thescienceofjohnlock:

societyghost:

Prude - a woman who won’t fuck you

Dyke - a woman who won’t fuck you because you have a penis

Slut - a woman who fucks other people and not you

Tease - a woman who won’t fuck you even though she smiled at you

Feminist - a woman who won’t fuck you because she has, like, thoughts and stuff

Bitch - a woman who treats you the same as you treat women

snopchat:

mom what THE FUCK do you mean youre not a virgin